Ok, so I thought I had foreseen the consequences. The ladies will love ya a little less, the crumbs will love ya a little more, and you’ll begin to look like Errol Flynn. But there is so much more to be learned from growing a tache. It’s week two and the curve is steep. The learning curve, that is. In fact, a little Mo Bro User Manual would have come in handy. So here are some lessons learnt from my ginger fuzz…
1. The first rule of Mo Club is do not talk to strangers about their moustaches.
2. The second rule of Mo Club is do not talk to strangers about the moustaches. In my mind, men are only growing a tache one month out of the year, but turns out there are actually men out there who have one for reasons other than charity. (Who knew!). Giving one of these men the “Ooh, yours is coming along very well! Well bushy mate!” on the tube is a bad play, bro. Bad bad play.
3. A neatly trimmed pencil tache doesn’t get you any attention from the ladies. (And it totally nullifies the whole “I’m a diamond buyer” line!) It does, on the other hand, get you a lot of attention from the friendly gents that frequent the bars of Old Compton street. So its all a matter of which team you’re batting for really.
4. Stroking your moustache while staring into space thinking about what lunch you’ll have makes you look like you’re plotting a dastardly plan. So if you were ever in need of a new way to intimidate those rookie interns, stroke away.
5. You never get carded. Dear teens, Mo Bro = Mo Beer.
6. It has apparently become acceptable for women to laugh and ridicule a perfect stranger for having ginger facial hair. It is still NOT however acceptable for man to rebuff such comments with a comparison to her facial hair. So much for gender equality.
7. The tache may earn you more respect from shop assistants, although, don’t let the friendliness mislead you into believing that you can now afford those fab suede mocassins.
8. If you are competing with another Mo Bro and theirs is better than yours, just accept they are mo’ of a man than you. Don’t dwell. Move on.
9. Avoid trenchcoats. The detective look, vintage though it may be, is not cool. Nor is the flasher one for that matter.
10. And unless you’re rocking the biker look, shave the rest of your face everyday. The tache is the most important thing on your face. Yes, ol’ blue eyes, you too.
Adios Mochachos!
Mo B.